Watershed Moment

I am so nervous about what’s about to go down.

My doctor had his game face on this past Wednesday as he prepped me for … what’s to come.

I have had 3 friends tell me that they NEVER had contractions and their water just broke and that was that.

So when I saw my Dr. our conversation went like this:

Dr.MG: We’re getting ready for the delivery… (goes through a check list.)

Me: This is my last week of commuting to work in NYC and I am just concerned that if my water breaks it might be an embarrassing situation on the train or subway because my friend told me her water broke at 6am and that was that. no contractions nothing.  Should I wear an adult diaper or a maxi pad? Also my other friend told me to put plastic sheets on my bed to protect the bed from when my water breaks  but what about my couch.. I really like my couch, it’s a really nice couch. What if my water breaks when I’m watching TV?

Dr.MG : Actually only about 7-10% of women’s water breaks before labor. Usually the doctor does that in the hospital. You don’t need adult diapers or maxi pads. Don’t worry about it. ( internal monologue: if my couch is destroyed I’ll be so mad at you!)

Me: So what am I looking for then?

Dr.MG: Contractions – 5 – 8 mins apart for about 30 mins.

Me: I have not had any contractions yet. So we can go from 0 – 60 any day.

Dr. MG: yep any day.

Me: ( deep breath. about to cry) Ok. What if this happens when I am in NYC alone without Matt… should I just get on the train to my hospital or wait for Matt to come pick me up?

Dr. MG: Just jump on the train. (BTW: 20 mins to grand central. train leaves about once an hour except during rush hour and then it’s a one hour train ride to the hospital)

Me: Ok what else?

Dr. MG: relax, stay calm. I’m glad this is your last week of commuting to NYC. It’s now just a waiting game.

The first thing that came to my mind after this conversation was…. I have to clean the house for the dog sitter in case this happens NOW! 
I am so unprepared, and I say this not because I am looking for a pity party, but because this is sincere and it’s exactly how I feel right now.
Today was a roller coaster of emotions, I was in NYC all day for multiple things and I was fine except once in a while when I would get these mini panic attacks and of course no one offered me a seat on the train so I had to stand for my commute and this smelly large man in a cowboy hat ran me over to grab the last seat on the train. 
This evening as I write this, I feel like a full-blown anxiety attack can come on at any given moment. I tried to speak to my mom this evening and tell her what was going on and hoping to get some sort of sympathy or nurturing from her …but she was pretty distracted with something on TV and passed me along to my grandmother who went on to talk to me about what she was going to cook when she comes up here in December. 
It was too late to call my friends… they have kids and it was bedtime and well the evening just slips away. 
So here I am writing this down in the hopes that these words melt away my anxious nerves. 
Although we have everything ready to go… we kinda don’t. Lily doesn’t have her bag packed and she really is my main concern in this whole thing. How can this whole experience be smooth for Lily?
The house is kinda messy. Not dirty just needs to be picked up. The nursery is nowhere near ready and I don’t want to work on it while Lily is around because I want to cherish these last few days of being just with her so every moment I get with Lily, I do things for her. And when she’s in school… I’m at work! 
 As much as I have read and received advice from friends.. I still feel REALLY unprepared for what happens at the hospital. It’s all really overwhelming and what happens when the baby comes home? 
I mean I’m about to birth a babe that is MOVING in my belly right now! This is seriously surreal! 
Jonah has been acting strange today too. He sat on me for a whole hour this evening as we both stared at the television. I don’t even know what I was watching… I just sat on my nice couch hoping my water does not break with Jonah sitting on me and thinking… thinking about how all this is about to change… for the better… but change.