Is she ‘really’ your daughter

I’m convinced that some people on this Earth were off sniffing glue the day God was handing out brain cells.

Just hear me out – this scenario has happened to me now 4 times!

Time #1 –

I’m at Lily’s (then 4 Years Old) preschool, kneeling down in front of her to zip up her winter coat.

A mother next to me looks at me and says, ” Is this your daughter? “

Me: Yes, this is my Lilypie. What’s your child’s name?
The Mother: Really?
Me: (perplexed) Yes, really.
The Mother: She doesn’t look like you

I was stunned! I was seriously stunned that someone would have the audacity and insensitivity  to say this IN FRONT OF MY 4 YEAR OLD KID!

I got myself together and said: Yes this is my daughter Lily and she’s 4YO and I’ll see you later OK.

The lady continued to say something, not an apologie, and I just ignored her. I would see her everyday at preschool pick up and steer clear. And she would just stare me down and give me an awkward smile like I had a secret I was not telling her.

Times #2 and #3 were similar. Where right in front of me some insensitive woman would question whether or not Lily was my child and when I would say, “yes she is”, they would continue with an idiotic, ” really? ”

Time #4 was the worst… which sparks this blog post.

I’m at Lily’s elementary school at the school office picking her up early one day. There is a mom in the office doing the same with her child.

Lily comes into the office and I give her a big hug and sign her out.

Lily: Mom, I’m so excited about our trip. (We were heading out on vaca)
The Mom: Is this your daughter?
Me: Yes, this is Lily.
The Mom: She’s your real daughter?
Me: (Slightly annoyed) Yes
The Mom: She does not look like you
Me: Ok, I’ll see you later. Have a nice day.
The Mom: She’s a different color.
Me: Uncomfortable and totally angry at this point – I just give the woman a look that says ‘shut it’ and walk out of the office with Lily and mumble to her. Ok then, take care, { translated – stop sniffing glue}

Moments later in the parking lot she comes up to me with her daughter in tow and says: “Maybe you have a white husband that’s why she’s white”

If Lily had not been there I would have seriously drop kicked this stupid lady across the parking lot.

Lily heard all of this!

Of course I had to explain this conversation to Lily in the car. She was OK with it. She asked why the lady was asking those questions and I said, well some people have no filter and they also don’t have manners and then continued to give her examples of all her friends who are adopted and from other countries who don’t look like their parents.

Here’s what – I don’t need to announce to the world that my child is adopted. Also what difference does that make? And why in the world would I tell any stranger that my kid is adopted? It’s none of their business.  I feel uncomfortable telling people that Lily is adopted when Lily is present, this is just strange I feel awkward about it. If these women had asked me about Lily when she was not present I would have totally said… well she is adopted and that’s why she doesn’t look exactly like me and my favorite color is air and I dream of fluffy unicorns and rainbows!  And that would have been it. But the fact that these unfiltered glue sniffing ladies had to say all this right in front of my kid is so very insensitive and makes me really angry!

I see lady #4 all the time at school and she has tried a couple of times to talk to me but I can’t stand it. One day she even tried to ask me if I had any other children.  When I told her I didn’t have any other children she said, “Oh, Empty womb?” WHAT THE!!

This woman was certainly sniffing glue the day God handed our brains.

I took this experience to a few of my friends who also have adopted kids and most adoptive parents have had similar experiences and just shook their head and said, “you’d be surprised how ignorant people are”. I’m not surprised. This does not excuse this behavior.

Why do strangers feel the need question your parental legitimacy? And is adoption really such a foreign concept in 2012 that people can’t just figure this out on their own.

Are you an adoptive parent? Have you experienced this in the past?

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