Moments that break you

Lily and I were at the book store and I was looking through parenting books. Especially for books titled  “HELP MY 6 YEAR OLD IS THE BOSS OF ME

Lily: Mommy why are there pictures of babies on all these books?
Me: This is the parenting help section. This is where parents can get books on how to take care of their children.
Lily: Oh, I think “lily’s birth mother”  did not know about this section. If she did, she would not have given me away.

I just melted right there at the book store as I hugged my little Lilypie. Moments like these, my hearts breaks for Lily. She will most likely always wonder why her birth parents gave her up for adoption.

When we adopted Lily, I practically gave up my dance career to be a stay at home mom.

My career as a dancer and choreographer in NYC was at it’s height with my dance company  planning a tour,  several shows on the horizon and I was in the studio creating work almost everyday.

Lily was 3 years old when she came to live with us and we needed to make sure that the bond was solid. We didn’t use a babysitter for almost a year and a half and I was by her side always. We would spend our days at the Bronx Zoo  and the Norwalk Aquarium and the  museums in NYC. There are dozens of farms here in my community and most days you would find the two of us hiking along Blue Hill at Stone Barns and chasing down the occasional runaway chicken.

This adjustment of dropping my full time career,  while hard for me, has been exactly what needed to be done and the bond between the three of us is fiercely solid. Which is all we had hoped for.

Recently there have been many moments when Lily talks about her birth parents and I am always open about her life and never hold back. But it does hurt my heart to think that she will always have a need to know them and they will always occupy space in her little amazing little heart.